Pain has a way of tearing you down to your most vulnerable self. Whether it be physical pain, mental or emotional pain. When it hits, it usually hits hard. Slowly slithering it's way into your body or mind and then slamming you to your very core.
When my husband would arrive home and view a new inspirational quote on the wall, he could positively assume his wife was in need of extra motivation. The first two years of recovery were a toss up between physical, mental and emotional pain as I experienced all three at once. This last year though he could guess that I mostly suffered from a physical pain.
Although my pain is greatly decreased since those terrible days of the first year, I have pain from surgery and pain that will live with me til the end of my days. One such day happened this past Tuesday. I blame it on this winter weather.
Too cold, for too long, for too many days.
My arthritis is in "end stage". It cannot get any worse unless my bones just fall apart. No hot whirlpool bath, ice packs or pleading would ease this deep-seated ache that bore it's way into my bones.
I reverted to a technique that I used frequently during those first two years. A form of meditation, I would guess. I would recite quotes over and over and over. I have them everywhere. On my walls, in my closet, in my drawers, on my phone. Everywhere a reminder of how fortunate I am and that I will always endure and defeat what is challenging me.
Literally speaking, I must see the quote to remind myself to concentrate. Recite it in my head, again and again. When the pain is at it's worse, that is just not enough. I must say it. I must say it out loud. I must say it with conviction! "I WILL BE OK!" It doesn't work unless you strip everything away. Give your whole heart, mind and soul into Believing It. But sometimes and there have been times, that the pain encompasses me to the point that I can only whisper, " God grant me the strength to keep fighting." And when the pain threatens to pull me into it's darkness, I let my tears fall, unashamed, because when we cannot speak, God observes our tears as prayers too.
My point being is that all pain is pain. All pain hurts. All pain tears you down. We must find our inspiration to fight through the challenges in our life from any source we can. If you do not have support, you must inspire yourself.
I bare my soul not only to heal, but now I understand I need let others in pain 'See' that it can be accomplished. Hear the words I 'Say' to be true and 'Believe' it because I am still here, standing proudly.