Everything I need to Know

     Three weeks.  High humidity.  Arthritis flare-ups.  Pain.

I can't shake it.  Rarely do my bouts last this long anymore, but I seem to be headed for a fourth week.  

     Missouri's odd weather changes are at fault, aggravating my advanced arthritis.  Self motivation has come naturally for me, but since our car crash, working at it has become a full time job. 

     Only having troubles when the pain wears on me for long periods of time, like now, does my spirit damper some.  Last evening, I told my husband that I didn't know how much longer I could do this.  

     Most days I live, some days, I survive. 

     Surviving the last three weeks has become burdensome.  Each day I have to prove I am stronger than my pain.  Each day I must motivate mentally and emotionally or I will not survive. 

     My dear friend gifted me a book last summer.  Initially scanning through it, I thought this is exactly the type of book she would give me.  I did not read it front to back, but read the next page as I felt the urge.  Each one liner was a lesson, a lesson I needed on that particular day. 

     The past three weeks has prompted me to re-read it and I have read the chapters from cover to cover. 

Everything I Need to Know I Learned from a Little Golden Book

     Do you remember that little book from your childhood?  They have one for adults and we all need to read it from time to time.  Simplicity.  Simple words that we should all live by.  Life lessons that make ours easier to live by, if we would just do it. 

     Permissions that we do not allow ourselves, small motivational one liners that move us to a better place and give us the strength we already know exists inside of us. 

     I look for daily motivation everywhere and every chance I get, because I don't deny that I need it.  Some days more than others, in this case some weeks more than others.  

     This book tells me it's okay to take a day off due to my pain and not feel guilty about it.  It tells me it's okay to do something fun even if I don't have all of my chores accomplished.  These words tell me it's okay to have a down day, but to get up the next with vigor.  Or that it's okay if it takes more than one day. 

    It says, Don't Give Up.

     

Enduring Pain: See it, Say it, Believe It!

     Pain has a way of tearing you down to your most vulnerable self.  Whether it be physical pain, mental or emotional pain.  When it hits, it usually hits hard.   Slowly slithering it's way into your body or mind and then slamming you to your very core.

     When my husband would arrive home and view a new inspirational quote on the wall, he could positively assume his wife was in need of extra motivation.  The first two years of recovery were a toss up between physical, mental and emotional pain as I experienced all three at once.  This last year though he could guess that I mostly suffered from a physical pain.  


     Although my pain is greatly decreased since those terrible days of the first year, I have pain from surgery and pain that will live with me til the end of my days.  One such day happened this past Tuesday.  I blame it on this winter weather. 

      Too cold, for too long, for too many days.

     My arthritis is in "end stage".  It cannot get any worse unless my bones just fall apart.  No hot whirlpool bath, ice packs or pleading would ease this deep-seated ache that bore it's way into my bones. 

     I reverted to a technique that I used frequently during those first two years.   A form of meditation, I would guess.  I would recite quotes over and over and over.  I have them everywhere.  On my walls, in my closet, in my drawers, on my phone.  Everywhere a reminder of how fortunate I am and that I will always endure and defeat what is challenging me.

     Literally speaking, I must see the quote to remind myself to concentrate.  Recite it in my head, again and again.  When the pain is at it's worse, that is just not enough.  I must say it.  I must say it out loud.  I must say it with conviction!  "I WILL BE OK!"  It doesn't work unless you strip everything away.  Give your whole heart, mind and soul into Believing It.  But sometimes and there have been times, that the pain encompasses me to the point that I can only whisper, " God grant me the strength to keep fighting."  And when the pain threatens to pull me into it's darkness, I let my tears fall, unashamed, because when we cannot speak, God observes our tears as prayers too.

     My point being is that all pain is pain.  All pain hurts.  All pain tears you down.  We must find our inspiration to fight through the challenges in our life from any source we can.  If you do not have support, you must inspire yourself.  

     I bare my soul not only to heal, but now I understand I need let others in pain 'See' that it can be accomplished.  Hear the words I 'Say' to be true and 'Believe' it because I am still here, standing proudly.

Motivation: A few Simple Words can say Everything

      How did I decide on the title for my blog, Stronger than Yesterday?

     Short Version:  these were the only words I could quote to myself for a year after my unfortunate collision.

     Long Version:   I invariably envisioned myself as a good sympathizer, yet there are some things a person must experience for themselves to understand the full impact of complete devastation.

     Things that make you hurt in places you didn't know you had.

     It is true that the grieving process begins to lessen after that first year.  That is, if you grab on tight & make a decision that you are going to live instead of letting that hurt control you.

     Many times I could only concentrate on hours at a time, over a period, those hours became full days.  The same question berating my conscious moment after moment.  "Am I going to be Okay"?   I don't recall purposely asking this, yet it managed to work it's way into my thoughts constantly.  I spoke with God each day, never asking why, only asking that same boomerang question.  Once shouting, "Say Something"!   I collected myself and accepted authority of my life.

     I disagree that God wants you to let it all be in His hands.  He gave me a swift kick in the pants.   All I had to do was shut up and let Him talk.  I chose to listen and save myself.  

     Today as I sip my flavored hot coffee, staring at my lit Christmas tree from top to bottom, I recognize that this will be the third holiday season that I will not be able to walk due to surgeries.

     As my eyes travel down the tree, they stop at the memories hanging on branches.   I smile.  It just doesn't matter.    I am here to add more precious memories to our tree with my family.  I survived, I fought, I didn't give up.

     Life should  be simple, yet sometimes we let it be hard.  It may be the only thing you can say on some days, but it is enough.  If we keep trying, then we are Stronger than Yesterday.

                                     From start to now!  Who knew I would be able to raft?

 

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