If Tomorrow Never Comes

     Scouring our digital photos for a specific one I was searching for, I clicked on this image.  At once, I stopped, filled with emotions and memories flooding my thoughts.

December 25th, 2010.  One day after my thirty-fifth birthday, four days before our family would be forced to adapt to a new way of living. 

The next image that enlarged on my computer screen was this one. 

My heart nearly fell out of my chest.  Our family, our children, our world.  Almost lost.  

"What if's" came to my mind for the first time ever about the footings we poured as the foundation of our little tribe we had formed.

     "What if" we knew what was going to happen just days from when this photo was taken, would we have absorbed more from this memory?

     "What if" we would have slowed down more instead of just talking about it?

     "What if" we wouldn't have let the stressors of this life disturb us so much?

     "What if" one of us hadn't lived, would the rest of us know how much we loved them?

     That's the one that became my main focus.  Had I not lived, would the rest of my family understand how much love my heart holds for them?  

     We cannot use "what if's" to look at or change our past, we can use them to look at and change our future.  

     I have been working on this concept for five years now.  Not thinking about "what if's" and just doing what my heart feels regardless of life's circumstances.  

     It can be so hard at times, so hard to keep that positive outlook with the negativity influencing our posse of six. 

    Our teenagers may not want me to hug or tell them that I love them, but I'm doing it anyway because it is true.  They may not want to take things as slow as I do, to stop the moment so I can cuddle up in it and feel the warmth surrounding me, but I'm going to do it anyway. 

     My husband may appear bashful as I stroke his ego for stepping up and choosing to be the protector, mentor and leader of our family until I could again stand by his side in partnership, but I will continue to lift him up with praise.  When our lives fell apart, he dug in his heels instead making an exit.

     My hopes are that each of us will have no regrets of not showing enough affection, not saying I love you or of not sharing in the memories.  At the end of our lives, creating memories are all that really matter, all that we truly look back on and there should be no anguish over, "What if" I had done more.

     When I view these images, no matter if they seem insignificant or historic, that these are moments, memories in the making, that we would have lost out on.   

     If my tomorrow never comes, as it almost did, my family will know how much I loved them, they will know I tried in every way, they will know how much they fill my heart. 

   

Why Can't Catholics Just Sit Down During Mass?

     How many of you Catholics have been asked this question?

      Why do Catholics sit down, stand up AND kneel?  I have been asked this a few times in my youth and some in adulthood.  Unable to recall what my answers have been, I have not thought about this much.  Always being a member of the Catholic faith, I did not care. We have always practiced Mass this way and as a child I thought this was how  everyone participated in church.  Until I was twelve years of age, when I attended a different denomination with a friends family, I was like, "Hey, they get to sit the entire time?"

     Still unable to remember anything specific about why our faith practices this way, I did not think about this again until my third year of recovery after my collision.  At the point where I could begin participating at a slow rate, I was between the stages of "not quite, but almost".  I could not kneel and could not stand but for a few minutes at a time.  Then the congregation would sit and repeat.  Sometime during Mass I asked, "Who... in this world made the rule that Catholics cannot just sit through Mass and listen?  Was it God or some human being that decided on their own and none of us challenged that decision?"  That Sunday morning was quite annoying to myself and I thought it simply silly.  

     Hanging my head, I, of course, knew I was more irritated that I could not perform these actions to what I thought should be in my

capability than at the rules themselves.  There must be significance to all of this otherwise we would not do it.  Giving the thought some quality time, I feel as if I could make a good assumption.  Still I did not research on the reasoning behind this.  I now gauge my recovery progress on how well I can perform them each week.  Participating through the entire Mass is attainable now, I just fidget with how comfortable it is.  Instead of having to genuflect before entering the pew, I am able to kneel and make the sign of the cross.  Almost, I cannot quite get that knee all the way to the ground for fear of making a scene upon returning to full height, but I have that sign of the cross down pat.

     Over the past few months, I have piqued my own interest enough to really research this and discover for my own curiosity, why.  It is my faith and something I practice each week, so it is really a simple fact that I should know and be able to pass on to others as they question me, especially my children.

     Standing and kneeling have significance during our presentation of faith.  If we did not sit, these two actions would not have the significance that it does, so sitting is a kind of "base worship."  

     Standing is required when the priest proceeds to the alter.  The Gospel book and cross are also brought to the front of the church.  This shows the amount of respect we have for those three things as well as when the Gospel is read.  The Gospel is the words and actions of Jesus Christ.  All important things I would say.

     Kneeling is the ultimate gesture of showing our humility as humans.  We are not on the same level as God, we are his servants to help spread his kindness.  This also shows our obedience and commitment to Him and his visions for us here on earth.  

     Now ultimately all of this is up to the parishioner.  Each one of us has the right to sit the entire Mass.  Those with injuries, disabilities or old age are not required either.  I suppose at some juncture if a healthy individual attended Mass on a regular basis, but did not participate in standing or kneeling, curiosity as to "why" would get the better of us.  As far as I know, God just wants our attention any way He can get it and He does not care if you are lying on the ground looking at the sky or kneeling in church.

     Catholics are still extremely traditional.  A few things have been challenged and updated,but for the most part the faith still remains as it did when in its original venture.  This does not bother me so much.  I am somewhat of a feminist and do have disagreements about some parishes not allowing female servants near the alter, forms of birth control and female priests.  I alone will not change any of that.  Continuing to believe in Gods vision for us and myself, grasping the meaning of His words and genuinely doing my part is what I am more concerned about.  

     I will say that He is the only One I would ever kneel before, which show how much respect and belief I have in Him.