Sunday, October 4, 2015

Turning Seventeen

     Seventeen, almost, but not quite considered an adult.   So close to what teens view as "freedom".

     Those of us much older, can recall that same feeling and laugh at what that "freedom" really means.

     Sure we were free of parental rules, we could come and go as we pleased, we could eat anything we wanted at any time of day.  If any of you were like me, my parents voices were floating around in the back of my mind with every decision I made.

     I was pretty independent.  I understood money and priorities, but I couldn't fully comprehend what that "freedom" entailed until living in it.

   Looking at my first born who turned seventeen today, my heart aches and swells with pride all at the same time.  I've always been a middle of the road parent when it comes to rules.  Strict enough, but not so overbearing that she is afraid to ask questions.  Trusting, but not so lax or naive to underestimate the teenage mind.

     She desires this freedom and is only a little over a year from encompassing it.  

     Seventeen years ago seems like an eternity, yet I can remember the day of her birth so vividly.  My doctor immediately taking her to the warming table instead of allowing me to hold her.  Me, gazing in disbelief at a chalk white baby girl with a mop of black hair, surrounded by medical staff softly but urgently coaxing her, "Breathe, baby breathe".  

     Her cord had been wrapped around her neck and was suffocating her as she was being brought into this world.  Finally her cry was heard and the nurse literally held her up like she was on the "Price Is Right" and whisked her away to the NICU.

     I only had to wait two hours until she was stable enough that I could feel her in my arms.  It was two hours of confusion and praying my baby girl was going to be okay. 

     My epidural only numbed the right side of my body which granted me a second epidural that paralyzed me from the waist down for hours.  I wasn't allowed to move until it had worn off so I couldn't even gaze through the window from the hallway at my little baby.
     But when the nurse brought her to me it was the first time I knew what true love felt like.  My intuition told me I was having a girl and she would be named either Abigail or Olivia, but I was waiting until I could see her in person to decide. 

 When I viewed her dark and unbelievably thick hair, I knew that no matter her age, that this would forever be my Livvy.

Happy 17th Birthday to my beautiful 
Olivia Rose !<3

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