The Butterfly Effect

No you didn’t! Yes, I did! No, you didn’t.  For Real, I did!

I know!  I’ve always been the one to say I’d never get one and here I am about to show you my new tattoo!  Well somewhat new, I have kept it a secret for a year now. Surprise!

 I have worked in two careers where I have seen too many people naked.  This led me to view quite a few tattoos. Young, old and in between.  Most have not been delightful to stare at, especially when they are not artfully done or when the person’s skin is so saggy, I would have had to ask them to pull it tight to even recognize what the tattoo was portraying.

Now I have always enjoyed photographing them as long as they did not embarrass me, they can create quite a dramatic effect when photographed well.

So how has no one seen this creation in the year since I’ve had it inked on my body?  It rained all dang summer!  So there was no swim suit wearing for me and it’s not like I just go around pulling up my clothes and say, “Hey look at this!”

Just like my very first presentation about our crash at St. James High School, it was GO BIG or GO HOME!

Some of you may understand when I say that I ruined a perfectly good starch job only wearing this shirt for a photo shoot that I never left my home for. Then 500 trips back to the camera to see if all looked okay, my ankles said, "Good 'Nuff. "

Yep, it’s big.  I put more thought and research into this than I did my college classes.  This is permanent and something I never thought I would do.  So why did I do it?

Our two daughters, who were in the crash with me, spoke of it a couple of years afterwards.  That, when they were of age, they wanted to obtain something to acknowledge the evening that everything in their life changed and we came out the other side with a different, but positive perspective on life.

Still living in incredible pain, I couldn’t entertain the thought.  Why would I torture myself, (as I’ve always heard how the drilling of needles burrowing ink into your body feels), to be reminded of a night that I am still humbled by every second as my body pulses with fire burning pain? (yes, the tatt hurt like a motha)

As time moves forward and changes my body, so does my outlook on the tattoo.  It becomes a symbol of faith, courage and determination.  I am as proud to wear it as I am the scars that the metal of my car ripped across my body.

It says I not only have survived, but I did not allow this experience to ruin me or my relationships. 

My husband was superbly surprised at my admission that I was seriously thinking of this and how large.  When I described what I wanted and where, he quietly began perusing the internet, unknown to me.  He passes his iPad over to my side of the love seat and says, “What do you think about these?”

My open mouth gape turned upward into a smile and I asked, “So you are okay with this?”  Not only was he okay he wanted to help in the design and encouraged me. 

Why butterflies?   They represent strength and a re-birth.  Never knowing

the amount of strength I would need for my recovery, I thought the description fit and I am an improved person because of my journey, being reborn with this new life.  Butterflies are perfect.

We decided on four because we have four children, each supporting our family as we traveled through four years of overcoming this tragedy together.  Wanting the color to pop, just like my renewed outlook on life,  I opted for bright, contrasted hues.  Just like the butterfly, I am quiet in nature, but now subtly make my presence known.

Not feeling too womanly with my scars and awkward walk, I wanted this to show strength combined with femininity.  Ten hours of adding butterflies, scrolls and lastly the date, my artist, Will at Blood Brothers Ink , suggested the cocoon.  Listening to my story and how it has affected me, he also viewed this as a re-birth.  I was wrapped in a cocoon for four years as I recovered and emerged a beautifully scarred butterfly, who has a wonderfully positive view on just about everything in her life. 

Butterflies signify peace and that is what I have been left with as this part of my journey comes to a close.  So..........

PEACE………be with you all.    

*** My artist Will Spencer is wildly creative, listens to your ideas and is equally creative and trustworthy wielding needles and ink.  My personal recommendation.

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Getting NAKED with Melanoma

    

 Even though the month of June in our little Missouri towns have been full of overcast skies and rain, we can still get overexposed to the sun's harmful rays.  I know we all want to feel the warmth since our Winter clamored on for so long and we really haven't been able to enjoy it much, but we must be careful about those burns.

     Yes, you can obtain a sunburn even if the sky is gray!

        As a child, I do not remember anyone making a big deal about sunscreen and it seemed we could stay outside for hours without obtaining that crispy layer of red over our body surface.  Those days are gone!  We have destroyed our protection in the atmosphere and if a blanket of sunscreen is not applied to our delicate outer body layer, we are turning crimson within twenty minutes.

     So let's go to the tanning booth!  Yeah! Noooooo!

     Of course studies relay that "fake tanning" can be equally as harmful or worse than the rays of the real sun.  My option is to spray tan and I buy the good stuff so it blends well with my normal skin tone.

     Anyone and everyone should visit with a dermatologist, not just when you notice a problem, but yearly so you can catch irregularities before they become a problem.  

 

   Few people know this about me, but I developed melanoma at twenty-nine years of age.  Working in the medical field, I had easy access to my physician and asked him to assess a mole that had grown on my back for years.  The mark was hard for me to view myself so detecting change was difficult.  Explaining that I had a sensation that something wasn't quite right is the only reason I had for asking him his opinion.  One look and I was sent to the Dermatologist asap.  

   

  All of us who work in health care understand that when the patient receives a call directly from the physician, all is not well.  That ugly mole that was not causing me any pain or discomfort was cancer.  Finding it in the early stages was essential and it was only detected because I had a "sensation".  It is important to listen to our bodies. 

     That initial finding was ten years ago.   Since then I am accustomed to visiting with my Dermatologist every six months to a year due to finding several other severely atypical nevi, all located on my back.  Since then, my physician has removed more than forty suspicious moles from my body by freezing or shaving methods.(yuck!)  Three more have been surgically excised.  Those three in particular would have also developed into melanoma had we not caught them early. 

     I am not an avid sunbather, although I am a tom boy at heart, enjoying the outdoors inevitably equips me with some sun exposure.  I do take precautions with sunscreen, hats and staying covered up with adequate clothing.  Rarely have I found myself in a tanning bed and the times I can count were all prior to my diagnosis. 

     So why do I continue having these problems if I adhere to the precautions?   Genetic melanoma.  By definition, it is a genetic or inherited condition. This means that the risk of melanoma can be passed from generation to generation in a family.  Yes, there are others in my family that have acquired this condition.  So far, I am the only one it keeps coming after.  

  

   So I didn't do anything wrong, it is just in my body.  I have a predisposition towards the disease and by continuing to take precautions that include taking ten minutes to stand in front of my Dermatologist  naked, I can significantly decrease my risk. 

     Of course the scars are not attractive.  There have been many loud whispers behind me during summer months wondering what in the world would cause such large defects.  "Did I get knifed?" has been my favorite so far.   

     As most of you know, scars are a part of my life since my auto collision and hint at a story without using words.  Attaining these marks of survival instead of receiving treatment over advanced melanoma has been the better choice, even if I am left with a road map of visible challenges.  

Most likely I will acquire more, but each time I understand that because I take care of my health, I am controlling melanoma instead of melanoma controlling me.

Prevent. Detect. Live.

      Never be ashamed of a scar, it simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.

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